Dear five-year-old me,

First off, enjoy the short hair while it still compliments your face. After puberty fully hits, short hair will not be a good thing. Remember this when you are in high school and get an urge to chop it off.

Anyways, let us get to the more pressing and present matters. First off, you are autistic. You will not find this out until you are nineteen. Society has recognized that autism is an actual diagnosis, but they do not realize yet that it is on a spectrum. You will not get diagnosed because you are high functioning, but trust me, you are on it. You are not just “shy” and “quiet.” You will have increased anxiety in social situations. Please get help from a therapist or someone who can help you better function in social interactions. Also, your fear of public speaking is due to your anxiety. It will never go away; just letting you know now.

You also have depression, ADD, and mild OCD. Don’t worry. With the correct dosage of medication, the depression will practically go away. You will still struggle with ADD in academic situations. You are not lazy, and you are not irresponsible. You are not procrastinating (all the time). You have a medical problem with paying attention and focusing.

Let’s move on to your physical health. In the first grade, you will have a lot of gastrointestinal issues. You have IBS with chronic constipation. You will have this problem for the rest of your life. Be prepared for a lot of flareups, especially as you start puberty. I recommend going on birth control as soon as you begin getting periods. They will help calm down your gut during your cycles. You will also develop chronic acid reflux. Tums are your best friend. There will be foods and restaurants you can no longer eat at because they will be associated with stomach pain. Additionally, we will develop high gluten intolerance at twenty-one, so enjoy all the gluten now.

Finally, we should address the speech impediment. It will not help with your anxiety. There is nothing we can do about that. Just know that it is not your fault when others cannot understand you. Put extra effort into learning how to spell. The popular trend for spelling is Phonetics, which is learning how to spell words by pronouncing them. Somehow, our teachers never caught onto how that is not a productive learning method for us at all. We are horrendous at spelling now, even with spell-check. So please, please, learn how to spell. We still get made fun of it today by our mother.

I know all of this sounds so bleak and depressing. But trust me, our twenties are where it’s at. Granted, I am only twenty-two when writing this, but still. I now see all red flags. So while I am grateful that I eventually got the help I needed, I would have changed my life significantly had I received them when I started exhibiting the symptoms.

I hope you can take this advice and have a better childhood health-wise than I had.

Sincerely,

Brianna, age 22